First of all a little background:

Dh and I decided November last year to start TTC. We'd been married just under a year and just figured we were ready to make our 2 into 3. Once my cycles were figured out..which took two months we got our wish in February 2010. We didn't find out until the middle of March. DH and I were so excited and grateful that it had been so easy. That thought came to an abrupt halt in April when I suffered my first m/c. 7 hours of contractions the ED dosed me up on morphine and I was admitted. Being told it happens all the time I figured "It's ok, we'll try again" 3 days before our trip to Thailand in June 2010, AF was 3 days late. As I have a on the spot cycle I figured something was going on. Had all the BT's done and they came back that I infact was pg again. This time we were shocked and scared. Not actually trying as we were going overseas but it was not like we didn't welcome it. During our stay in Thailand I got a bad batch of food poisioning and started to spot. It cleared up within a few days and we continued on as if it never happenend. When we arrived back home and I was still a bit ill we went to the ED to see what was happening. Because of my recent m/c they put me straight in for an ultrasound finding a 6 week bub for an assumed 8 week gestation and no heartbeat. We went for another u/s a week later and bub hadn't grown at all. I had carried a dead bub for 5 weeks before I was admitted to hospital to have it removed (July). We were then told as it was highly unlikley I'd have a 3rd m/c because of my age (22) to start TTC when we were ready. Not wanting to be pg for my sisters October wedding we stopped except for 1 occasion. Af was again 3 days late and after my first ever BFP on a HPT I gathered that we had been given a little miracle. 1st scan with the gyno showed a perfectly formed 5 week bubble within 4 days of that I started to bleed and m/c again. Drs. dumbfounded by what they couldn't figure out took DNA from both DH and I. RESULTS ARE IN! I have a chromosone deformity (sp) the building blocks of MY DNA are wrong. DNA is meant to be linked up 1-1 2-2 3-3 4-4 5-5 6-6 etc mine has come back as 12-13 13-12. Two of my main ones have swapped over and will forever cause me harm. Drs. are baffled as to why I'm so "normal" with two main chromosones in the wrong spot. I now have to go to a genetic specialist to see if they can find out what we can do. What this now means at my chance of having a baby for the rest of my life I will have to have IVF so they can remove the bad stuff and replace it. I feel like I have let my DH down and wouldn't be surprised that at the end of this I will end up without him. My heart belongs to him and only him. The part that gets me down is forever I'm not going to be able to make a baby on my OWN without science to help me.

I'm so sorry about making this a big droan knowing that there are people out there in just as bad and worse positions but I needed to get it out. Thank you for reading and for your support. I will inform at a later date when I know when and who I'll be seeing.

If you have read all this you deserve a big pat on the back. xoxox

Skye although my situation is very different to yours I (and i'm sure many others on here) have had to come to terms with allowing IVF to play a part in their conception. I felt exactly the same when I was first told we will have to start IVF in a few months if we cant do this on our own. It will still be you and DH that make this baby, just with a little bit of help. I'm sure this would have been a very big shock and I really feel for you and wish I could give you a GBH. But soon you'll see that you'll come to accept that IVF is a gift in itself and everything will be ok.

x

Oh sweetie, Im sorry for the pain you have been through.

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF for this though, it is something that we are all dealt with whether it be an explained reason or an unexplained reason we cannot change the way it is. IVF can help you to fall pregnant and stay pregnant, it can help you. Thats is a big enough positive for me. You have not let anyone down and there is no use in even thinking this way, trust me I have been to the very bottom throughout our journey and it gets you nowhere. Please come on here whenever you need to vent or to cry, the girls are wonderful and I will certainly have my ear on standby for you.

Big hugs sweetie
xxxx

Oh Blue I couldnt have said it better myslef!!

Big Hugs to you Skye I'm so glad they have found the problem even tho its not a fun Journey this AC stuff but Blue is So right in saying that it REALLY does take your relationship between you and your Hubby to a whole new level making it stronger then ever before! We are all here for you so please feel free to talk to us when ever you need.. nothing shocks us around here And we are all GREAT listeners!! Hope your weekend is a good one

TashnLacee xxoo

What I have is called Translocation. The one I have is actually the better one to have because I still have the full chromosone they are just in the wrong spot. My GP didn't know too much about it but he mentioned that maybe only a few of my eggs have been affected. In the current situation finding out only a percentage rather than all of my eggs have been affected would be a massive weight off my shoulders.

I have an appointment to see the local Genetic Councillor next Thursday 16/12/2010 at 9:30am. She said that she was going to try and get us through as quick as she can and with our IVF appointment in Feb 2011 we may not have to wait the 18 months that I had been quoted.

Thank you all so much (moonpixie <3, sachNdylan <3, cassiec <3, Tash2083 <3 ) for all of your support, GBH's and well wishes. To have such a strong base is really comforting. I've never had that before in my life.

Thank you for the reassurance Blue. It's so nice to hear that there may be a chance that this will make our marriage stronger rather then rip us apart like I originally thought. What are the payment strategies for IVF? Is it kinda like a credit card or do you have to pay upfront? Upfront is what has me worried the most, because with a house and a crap job and two cars it's not going to be easy to find that kinda money.

MrsMaC, you do have a way with words. I felt a calm wash over me as I read your reply and your right. It is still DH and I just not us making it. It certainly gave me other things to think about. Thanks.

Laurie your advice really helped. It is hard and no matter what knowing that DH's tests came back 100% ok and it's me thats stopping us from having a baby, it's really hard not to blame myself. I will try and not let it get to me too mcuh but I can't help it sometimes.

I have been doing some research espically after reading other AC posts. Beacuse my problem is a chromosone problem and kinda not genetic will I still have to do ?PGD? (Thank you jessiemm & Blue) When I actually read what it was it is very similar to what is going to have to happen with me. If my eggs are affected with the traslocation (Not sure at the moment how many will be) they have to take the bad chromosones out and replace them. Is it the same thing or am I just reaching for straws?

Thank you all again for your support and advice. I'm still really confused about what is the next step but I'm sure I will know more after my appointment next week.

Much Love
xoxoxox

Hi again,

Im glad to hear that you have an appt and may not have to wait to long for your appt.
I know its hard not to blame yourself, Ive certainly been there in the last 3 years, I still feel like I have failed sometimes but I have come to realise that IVF can help us and is the only solution so I guess Im comfortable with that now and I do hope so much that after your appt you can feel that way too.
You deserve some happiness soon.

Take care and let us know how your appt goes
xx

Thanks for all your support guys. It means so much to me. I'm getting really nervous about seeing the genetic councillor tomorrow. I have a long journey a head of me but I'm sure that because we already had an appointment with the IVF person before we found out it may make it a bit quicker.
My heart is sitting in my throat at the moment and it doesn't feel good. I have 22 hours left. I can't beleive I'm counting down.
xoxox

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow

Ditto, wishing you all the best for tomorrow xx

Thanks for the luck guys. I really needed it to calm my nerves down.
Appointment went well. It was mainly to explain what were our possibilities with my translocation. I now have a much broarder understanding of whats going on. Unfortunatly, approx only 1.8% of my eggs are uneffected, so chances of me passing on my translocation is high but not 100%. There is still a chance during the ER that they will get a couple of eggs that aren't effected. She reckons that because of my age they should be able to harvest over 20 of my eggs. So thats not too bad, I spose.
I have another appointment next Tuesday at 9 so things are going through well.
I am a little sad today. I found out another one of my friends are expecting. This will be her third child. Sometimes it feels so unfair. It's just like, when is it going to be my turn. I am very happy for her but DH and I have been TTC for over a year with 3 m/c and now have to go through this. I've done everything right. I've always studied hard, worked well, helped others in need, never partied or did drugs or drank - alcohol makes me really tired - and this is what I get in return. I feel like someone is out to get me and DH. I wish I knew who it was so I could sort them out.
Hopefully I will be joining a "Due In" thread before the middle of next year. I guess we just have to wait and see. I'm not getting any hopes up.